31 January 2009

Seeking Balance

It's been awhile since I've posted a fully (or even half) formed thought on here, and even longer since I've made new work. As I said in this post, my position at a national nonprofit has been keeping me really busy. Insanely busy. I leave for work well before Billy in the morning and get home well after him. I get calls on my work cell at all hours of the night and on weekends, and end up going in on weekends as well. I was waking up at night filled with worry, and exhausted to the point of tears. And while I'm not going to name the company, I will say it's not a nonprofit where emergencies are justified. I do not work for an agency that deals with medical issues or domestic violence. There is no real reason for me to get be at work twelve hours a day and receive phone calls into night.

And so, I quit.

There is no possible way I could justify working for a "worthy cause" while sacrificing my own well-being, creativity, and the home life I value so very much. Life is short, and I want to spend my time at home being exactly that--- at home, with the husband and dogs I love. While I want to make the world a better place, I still want my own space in it to be tolerable.

The luckiest piece of all this is that just as I was struggling to breathe and figure out how to function in this very difficult position, a new job came along. A job that will still challenge me and help others, but a job with better balance and better benefits. And beyond the blessing of the home life I value so much, I know that finding a new job so quickly is a huge blessing as well. I count myself very lucky these days, and I am looking forward to restoring some balance here at home.

12 comments:

Elissa said...

Your post was very validating for me. I also recently left a position with a nonprofit. I really struggled with guilt over leaving because even though I was no longer happy there, I still believed in the organization's mission. Did it make me a bad person for not wanting to work there any more? In the end, I had to put my personal well-being first, similar to you.

I appreciate your sharing your story and I wish you the best of luck in your new position!

Elissa

Amy Olson Jewelry said...

Angela,
I'm happy to hear that everything is falling into place, after all. I was starting to worry about you as I had noticed you posting less, etc.
it really seems like things are rolling along as they should and I'm really thrilled to read your good news!
sending love from the west coast...
xo,
Amy

T.Allen-Mercado said...

Good for you, charity begins at home. Congrats on the new opportunity and clarity of thought.

jen said...

I feel in some way I needed to read this post. I usually glance through my favorites, but don't read every one, every day. Today I decided to make up for that, and I am glad. I am glad that things worked out for you in the end, with your new position coming along so quickly...but mostly that you were able to say 'enough' and realize what really matters in your life. I am struggling with my own job issues (of course, my job is no where near as important as any non-profit position) and feel trapped in a life that is going to break me soon.
After reading your post, it just drives home the fact that one must do what is best for HER(HIM).
Thank you for this and good luck with your new position.
jen

danambrinson said...

Good for you, Angela and congrats on the new position! You will NEVER EVER regret taking time for yourself and your family and choosing your sanity over a non-profit--no matter how well meaning it was.

Hope this next step is good for you and that it provides you more time to create and post to your blog. We're reading!

picciolo said...

congratulations on the new job, I'm glad things are improving for you
: )

Julia said...

so glad to hear you've been able to find something that fits your life better. that is so important. when working at a nonprofit, it is so important to do what you need to do so you can maintain your own personal sanity and happiness. i feel blessed to work at a place that may not pay very well, but understands that employees need to have time for themselves.

Dawn said...

Hey Angela
Isn't amazing how out of the hardest decisions we make something always above and beyond comes to us.
Hope the new job fulfills you. Checking in every once in a while and enjoy catching up with you in cyberspace

Miss Crowland said...

Congrats. I feel a change coming as well...it really is important to not let fear hold us back.

TheSeaWithin said...

Congrats on the big decision. I also work for a non-profit, but feel lucky that I never have to work more than my 40h/week.
I also understand quitting something huge. I remember the relief when I quit my PhD!

Cicada Studio said...

I'm really happy for you, though I'm sure it was a struggle to make the choice. Like any dysfunctional relationship, it's difficult to see the forest thru the trees and one's own needs are so often sacrificed. I'm sure your nature to help will continue in other ways.

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Angela,

Know that you are doing the right thing in every way: I am so proud of you for coming to the conclusion that life is to be lived and lived well.

I support you!!!!
xoxoxox,
Allison

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